The Closet Where You Kept You
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
—-Khalil Gibran
A year after her death, Suzi’s closet remained untouched. She had left that Saturday morning with a book and bathing suit to visit with our youngest sister at her house not a ¼ mile away. After a swim and some sibling chat, she slumbered into a peaceful afternoon nap that she just never woke up from.
Until now, we had avoided the very thing our brother-in-law needed the most help with– her closet. Armed with caffeine and courage, three sisters found ourselves in the exact spot our Suzanne had left that Saturday morning a year before. Upon opening the doors, it was her familiar fragrance that would greet us. The one unique to just her—a floral fingerprint. Clearly, she would be joining us for the task at hand. We would embark on a journey through time and she wasn’t going to miss it.
It began in Europe, with the jar full of foreign currency leftover from earlier trips. It sat alongside the neatly hung scarves she bought on every trip, each patiently waiting their turn to be worn again. Photos of she and her husband Billy on a gondola ride in Venice, then on the steps of Notre Dame, with work friends visiting Rome. From there we happened upon her stash of wigs collected over the years and worn to dances and parties (much to the amusement of family and friends.) She had said they kept her “interesting” so we paired them with one of her many sunglasses and an exotic hat found from the shelf above and snapped hysterical selfies of ourselves striking a pose. Oh, did we laugh! We next found ourselves in Yankee stadium with the endless stack of commemorative tee shirts she had collected during the many years of games they had attended with their son and others. She loved her Yankees. Of course that led us to her beloved Broadway, where we marveled at the number of playbills she had kept—she called it her one vice and would willingly give up spending money anywhere else to save for those coveted first run shows. We paused with our cleaning and began belting out tunes that all 6 sisters had sung together so often over the years while passing the time stuck with kitchen duty after another large family gathering. Suzi always said no one could amuse us as much as us. LOL. Disney followed, mostly just tons of totes purchased to carry home all the goodies she gave as gifts throughout the year. We sifted through notecards bought from the Metropolitan Museum of Art she visited so often during the time they lived in New York City. We combed through clothes, many of which we would proudly be donating to the “Dress for Success” organization she had quietly been associated with for decades–she was an early champion of empowering women. And of course, we took more than a few moments to compose ourselves when arriving at more personal family keepsakes carefully passed down through generations.
I believe grief offers us turning points. Like when you realize grief is just deep love called by another name. Suzi had taken us each by the hand and had reminded us of all the good things she had in her life. As we sorted and packed boxes, it suddenly felt metaphorical—as if she was at the same time encouraging us to clean out the heaviness her death had brought to our hearts and replace it with lighter feelings of laughter and joy.
This day she reminded us in the journey of life, love is always the best destination.
Happy Birthday in heaven Suzi. You have been joined this summer by Billy and Bob. I bet as much a shock to you as it was for us. We rallied. We did what we do best—we came together as a family. As we approach another holiday season without the many loved ones we have lost, I am determined to rejoice in the happy memories. And today, on your birthday, to remain grateful for you—my sister. xoxox
A Visit with Suzi 