Visit #7

A Naturally Nurtured Glimpse Back

People may be born with certain natural talents, gifts, and physical traits but I think it takes nurture to really develop them to their full potential.

My sister Suzanne’s life could be a case in point.

She was born during the time our Dad served in the Air Force and our Mom was part of the WAF’s.  They married in Washington state in 1952 and soon after my Mom went back to her parent’s farm in Maine to have Suzi and live until our Dad discharged. Eventually having to blend two families, our Moms family in Maine with our Dad’s family in Connecticut, Suzi herself proved the perfect catalyst.  Her gift of adaptability certainly helped solidify the seamless merger of both families.  In fact, shortly after making the move back to Connecticut, her very adorable face, along with her good manners and sweet demeanor got her chosen for the cover brochure of the famous Old MacDonald Farm in Norwalk.  I credit the simple farm life of the mid 50’s plus the help of our Mom’s doting family, and her undivided attention while Dad was away, for laying the solid foundation she would need to handle some of what life would throw at her.

Suzi was only four when the rest of us started arriving  Actually, 6 more would follow in 8 years.  Yes, we had busy parents! Quickly, her idyllic only child life would come to an end but the independence those early years afforded her would serve her well.  She exhibited many traits of a firstborn child but above all, she proved herself a very reliable, intelligent, capable young girl. She had to be—our parents needed her help!  Her experience wasn’t gained through a girl scout badge or an after school First Aid class.  It was her being born the eldest and with that, those extra set of eyes and hands that were needed for feeding, changing diapers and being a watchful playmate to her younger siblings.  .  

Being the oldest did have its perks though. When riding in the car with only our Mom, Suzi never, ever, had to ride in the backseat.  Because our Mom needed one hand for her cigarette and one hand on the wheel of our Country Squire station wagon; Suzi was the designated co-pilot.  On our annual 6-hour summer treks back to the farm, (that our Dad conveniently talked himself out of going on each year) her role was to simply run blocker so that no younger sibling ever crossed over into the front seat.  I mean it was the 60’s and even though we each technically had a designated seat it didn’t mean we stayed in it. There were no seatbelts.  It was the continuous movement of six kids climbing over each other between the 2^nd (horizontal) row seat into the 3^rd (facing each other)side seats. Still, ever the organized one, Suzi took her role seriously.  The beginning of our ride always started out with promise.  Good behavior, the singing of songs (Sue controlled the radio too), possibly a good-natured game of Mad Libs, and the somewhat orderly eating of our carefully passed out brown bag lunches. But along about the Massachusetts Turnpike literal Hell would break loose.  By that time, Suzi would randomly fling Oreo’s behind her to try to keep us at bay until one by one we gave into a community nap.  Later in life, Suzi would find herself in the role of Manager of Hospital Claims for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Connecticut. I believe at the time she had somewhere in the number of 70+ direct reports.  No one will ever convince me it was her bachelor’s degree in Special Education or her master’s degree in Family Counseling that prepared her for the managing that many employees.  No, it was her years between the ages of 7 and 14 whereby her natural traits of maturity, leadership, responsibility, adaptability, and resourcefulness were nurtured (or tested lol) regularly on our crazy brood of 7.

In high school, she enjoyed trying out for small parts in the school musicals. Never the lead but each a memorable role, nonetheless. To us, her siblings,  (yes, we took up the whole row) — she was the star of the show.   “Brigadoon.”  “Up the Down Staircase.” “Funny Girl.”  We watched with both pride and the excitement that one day one or more of the rest of us might follow in her footsteps. And I’m convinced the collective enthusiasm of her mini cheering section helped strengthen her already well seeded self-confidence.

She understood the high expectations placed on her, but she handled them! Our dad worked in the textile business; in fact, his office was located in the Empire State Building.  If you think her being a co-pilot in the car was an experience, try envisioning her helping my Mom not only getting us on the train, to then corral us all into the elevator for the trip up 62 floors to visit him. Once, when Dad was touring one of his company’s factories down south, he happened upon an employee bulletin board which announced college scholarship opportunities for eligible employees’ kids.  He noted the deadline was a week away and with Suzi graduating and heading off to college, he quickly called his home NYC office to inquire why he hadn’t seen the same posting. Of course, as soon as he arrived home he announced to Suzi that he had arranged for her be called to the principal’s office the next day to fill out an essay of some sort that would then be couriered back (a big deal in those days!) to the home office in time to make the deadline so she may be considered.  Knowing our Dad, I’m sure his “no pressure” speech to her might have sounded something like this :

“…..it was the companies fault not yours but they did make special arrangements for the paperwork to get to the school and the principal has agreed to give up her office which I hope you know is a big deal what she is doing for you to be able to sit quietly and even though I don’t know the topic of which you will be writing I hope you can think of something good because it’s not your fault Mom and I have seven children but we do want you to go to college and this scholarship could help money-wise and we have sent you to Catholic school and so you can put that money we have invested in you to good use by coming up with something really smart to say and maybe win but I know its last minute and if you don’t win Mom will scrimp like she always does and we will find the money to send you but if you do this it would take the pressure off the stink I’ve made at the office that my son of a bitch boss didn’t let me know so that’s why I made these special arrangements because I said you were just as deserving as any other kid but it’s not your fault but it would be good if you could do a really good job and maybe win but no matter what it’s okay sweetheart– no pressure.”

I’ll cut to the chase. She aced it.  I don’t think our Dad took the train home to tell us–I swear he floated on Cloud 9 the whole way.

Like I said in the beginning.  All you need is some good, healthy, home nurturing to help give those God given natural talents a little kickstart.

Suzi, I had wanted this piece written for your birthday, but it just didn’t work out.  It’s a little scattered but so am I.  Luckily, your life touched us each so deeply –your fingerprint is left on our hearts. It gives us strength to keep going always. Merry Christmas dear sister!