Visit #8

All for Nun and Nun for All

Our sister Suzi could have been a nun. 

I don’t say this lightly, in fact the only other person I have ever said this about is my longtime friend and neighbor, Debi B.   I’ve witnessed their shared qualities of compassion, teamwork, quiet humility, a strong conviction of faith, and the way they serve others selflessly.  All worthy of a novitiate ceremony!

I can’t speak for Debi but for my sister,  I would say a few things held her back.  Her enjoyment of collecting jewelry and scarfs which she wore often, her pride in having great hair that she loved to have styled regularly (and would never want covered), her dream of marriage and having a child, her joy of travel, the fact that she wasn’t big about the word obedience (unless defined by her) and lastly and probably her biggest excuse for not joining a religious order—she already had enough sisters in her life! 5 younger ones to be exact.

Faith was collectively important to our early family life although only Suzi received a private, Catholic High School education. Truth be told she was sent there after her quite mischievous junior high experience and our parents felt she needed “a new path.”   To their delight, she thrived and the core values taught of faith, service, and the common good really took hold.  In fact, her desire to make a difference in life spurred her decision to follow our maternal grandmother into the field of Special Education.  From there her life of service to others flourished.  St. Thomas Aquinas once said that “humility is the queen of virtues” —that was Suzi.   Quiet Humility. No boastful fanfare regarding her participation in anything.  Special Olympics, The Midnight Run program for feeding the homeless, the Dress for Success Program, Cub Scout leader, Religious education volunteer, Community Parks and Recreation commission member, her list of involvement was endless and regular.

For me, Suzanne’s best virtues came to life when she hosted Christmas Eve.  She lived about an hour north of our parents’ house and early on in her married life she made the decision not to make the trek down to the family homestead to celebrate Christmas day all together, like many of the rest of us did.  Instead, she opted to celebrate with her husband and son in the quiet of their own home and local friends’ visits.   I used to wonder why but l think I’ve finally decided on the reason. Suzi had a gift to look ahead at her life and quite frankly, these family gatherings were A LOT. And I think she recognized early on it would be in her best interest to limit the “A LOTS” in her life and began with this. She was a master at managing her diabetes, so much so that it’s only in retrospect I can clearly see how her picking and choosing would eventually benefit her in health in the long run.

Our evening always started attending the Children’s Mass.  More often than not, one or more of our kids would be participating.  She just loved the less formal church atmosphere, the homemade costumes, the simple storytelling, the youthful singing of course all while celebrating the solemnity of the birth of Christ. 

But hey, she wasn’t without fault. I remember one year when a particularly long-winded Priest was assigned to our Mass, I avoided any eye contact with her (because I knew what was coming) until finally she reached over, nudged me and whispered “he better not go on and on at the homily– I have appetizers warming in the oven.”  Although a very un-NUN-ish comment, of course I laughed anyway.  Lucky for us Suzi was as funny as she was faithful.  And that was VERY for both.

When we arrived back at their house, the fireplace would be lit, the Christmas jazz station turned up, the signature cocktail ready for glasses.  Suzi had no grand gestures, just a table set with both cherished family heirlooms mixed with her own understated set of Christmas dinnerware always topped with the British poppers that held little toys and the colored paper hats we promptly put on our heads secretly hoping for our favorite color.  We enjoyed literally a million laughs around that table for many years.  She worked hard to ensure we enjoyed the night and was grateful for us being there to celebrate knowing what she would be missing the next day.  And every single year like clockwork, she insisted we hit the road without helping with the dishes.  She would always say she knew we had to travel the next morning and would never take no for an answer.  Funny how when someone you love is no longer here, you remember small details like that.

Suzi just had an uncanny way of bringing the season’s values of love, remembrance and togetherness to life. Maybe we weren’t aware of it at that moment but looking back it seems she lived her life like each day was a kind of Christmas—with faith, service, community, and most importantly for me, the simple joy of just being together.  I remain forever grateful to her for the memories. Our very own “Sister Suzi.”

This year marks eight Christmas Eve’s without you. How can it be?  We continue your legacy of being together as often as time, distance and circumstances allow and we bring you with us every time. I will try again to shift my focus from your absence to your presence or maybe I will spell it as “presents” as in the many gifts you gave us. Most especially, YOU. xoxoxoxox